Here’s our guide to what the stars have in store for YOU!
♈ ARIES
March 21 to April 19
Congratulations, Aries! This week, your impulsive nature will reach new heights. Just remember, not every decision requires a leap of faith. Sometimes, a gentle hop is enough to get you from the couch to the fridge.
Your lucky colour: Neon puce – because nothing says good fortune like blinding your enemies with radioactive shades.
♉ TAURUS
April 20 to May 20
The stars predict a surge in stubbornness this week. You’ll cling to your opinions like a toddler clings to a security blanket. Remember, flexibility is for yoga, not for your personality.
Your lucky colour: Camouflage beige – perfect for when you want to disappear into a sea of mediocrity.
♊ GEMINI
May 21 to June 20
Brace yourself, Gemini, for a whirlwind of indecision. Your ability to see every side of an issue will reach Olympic levels. Too bad there’s no medal for sitting on the fence.
Your lucky colour: Zombie apocalypse lavender – because the undead are clearly the arbiters of good fortune.
♋ CANCER
June 21 to July 22
Your mood swings are putting roller coasters to shame this week. Friends and family will need hazard pay just to keep up with your emotional twists and turns. Maybe invest in a “Caution: Crabby” sign.
Your lucky colour: Mustard yellow – the color of winners, or maybe just expired condiments.
♌ LEO
July 23 to August 22
Your need for attention hits a new high, Leo. It’s adorable how you think the world revolves around you. Just remember, even the sun takes a break sometimes.
Your lucky colour: Burnt marshmallow pink – because nothing screams good fortune like a dessert engulfed in flames.
♍ VIRGO
August 23 to September 22
This week, your inner critic goes into overdrive. Your self-esteem might as well take a vacation because it won’t be needed. On the bright side, you’ll excel in finding flaws – too bad you can’t monetize that skill.
Your lucky colour: Rusty nail red – because who needs the luck of the Irish when you can have the misfortune of tetanus?
♎ LIBRA
September 23 to October 22
Decision-making will be as easy as herding cats this week. You’ll find yourself stuck in a perpetual state of analysis paralysis. Just flip a coin already; it’s quicker than consulting the cosmos for every minor choice.
Your lucky colour: Wilted lettuce green – for those who want to embody the essence of forgotten salad greens.
♏ SCORPIO
October 23 to November 21
Your mysterious aura intensifies, Scorpio. Unfortunately, nobody cares enough to solve the riddle. You might want to consider adding a hint of approachability to your secret-society vibe.
Your lucky colour: Dingy denim – because nothing says luck like the fashion choice of someone stuck in the ’90s.
♐ SAGITTARIUS
November 22 to December 21
Your wanderlust is at an all-time high. Just be careful not to confuse “exploring new horizons” with “getting lost and blaming your GPS.” Not every detour is a spiritual journey.
Your lucky colour: Decomposing corpse brown – for those who appreciate the natural beauty of post-mortem hues.
♑ CAPRICORN
December 22 to January 19
This week, Capricorn, your workaholic tendencies will be on display. Remember, it’s okay to take a break. The world won’t end if you pause your spreadsheet marathon to enjoy a cup of mediocre office coffee.
Your lucky colour: Swamp water teal – because who wouldn’t want to bathe in the luck of murky wetlands?
♒ AQUARIUS
January 20 to February 18
Your rebellious spirit will shine bright this week, Aquarius. Just be careful – there’s a fine line between being a trendsetter and that person who insists on wearing thongs in a snowstorm.
Your lucky colour: Gray – the colour of indecision. Lucky you!
♓ PISCES
February 19 to March 20
Pisces, your dreamy nature will reach new heights. Unfortunately, those dreams won’t pay the bills. Maybe try manifesting a raise instead of chasing unicorns in your sleep.
Your lucky colour: Sunburnt salmon – because why settle for a regular sunburn when you can have one that resembles a fish in distress?
