Your Horoscope – Week Of July 17, 2017

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.

♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

You will find a way new way to make homemade charcoal by putting a chicken in the oven and quickly checking your Facebook

♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

You will resist to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not an 18 year old girl

♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will go on an unexpected trip when you fall up a flight of stairs.

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You will finish writing that advice book about trees. When it is published expect people to take a leaf out of it

♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

You will surprise your work colleagues when you tell them you still haven’t seen Game Of Thrones

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You still refuse to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not a 14-year-old girl.

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

You realise how much you like bum bags because it’s where you keep your dignity.

♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Give up on your dreams, everyone else has.

♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

There is someone living in your walls. And he’s pissed.

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Clear your browser history.

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You will wish you had stayed in bed. You need a pet. Go ask someone to pet you.

♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

You will opt for plastic surgery this week. Label the right part before you go under or they’ll have no clue where to start.

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