Here are your Horoscopes for this week.
♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22
You will find a way new way to make homemade charcoal by putting a chicken in the oven and quickly checking your Facebook
♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
You will resist to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not an 18 year old girl
♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
You will go on an unexpected trip when you fall up a flight of stairs.
♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
You will finish writing that advice book about trees. When it is published expect people to take a leaf out of it
♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
You will surprise your work colleagues when you tell them you still haven’t seen Game Of Thrones
♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
You still refuse to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not a 14-year-old girl.
♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
You realise how much you like bum bags because it’s where you keep your dignity.
♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Give up on your dreams, everyone else has.
♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
There is someone living in your walls. And he’s pissed.
♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19
Clear your browser history.
♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You will wish you had stayed in bed. You need a pet. Go ask someone to pet you.
♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You will opt for plastic surgery this week. Label the right part before you go under or they’ll have no clue where to start.