Muzak In Hargreaves Mall To Be Replaced With Ear Splitting Squelch Of A Frightened Pig

Bendigo Council has decided to improve the human experience of Hargreaves Mall by playing a less irritating sound than currently heard through the audio speakers.

“We listened to feedback, and while many wanted to hear the sound of chewing, nails on a chalkboard or the fleshy noise of multiple fat couples having sex in an echo room, we decided to go with the horrible haunting sound of a chased piglet near its death,” said council spokesperson Nick Job, 23, of Sailors Gully.

The noise now played is one of the big attractions to Hargreaves Mall.

“We don’t want to drown out the local sound of people calling each other cock-suckers or break the mood of someone standing in silence with nothing to do but get sunburn from the reflective glass of the empty shops, but ambience is everything and we hope the new playlist will add to the Mall’s attractiveness,” said Mr Job.

Playlist ideas included the sound of other Malls, the sound of people buying things, the first episode of Serial podcast on repeat, and a mixtape of babies crying – which was mostly white noise.

“We also tested the sound of parents screaming at their children, but then couldn’t distinguish it from the normal Mall noise so took it out of consideration,” said Mr Job.

A new suggestion for Christmas Carols to be played all year round is gaining signatures and will be presented to Bendigo Council next week.

Related articles