Ironbark Definitely a Place, says “Ironbark” Resident

By on September 21, 2018

“It’s not just a suburb of Long Gully,” said Matt McKay, 47, Ironbark aka Long Gully resident.

According to Australia Post – they’re the mob that print out emails and fold them into small pockets and deliver them to your door and not via computer, that’s for sure, Ironbark is postcode 3550 – a postcode is like an ip address but I’m not really sure what an ip address is so that analogy ends there.

“If Sailors Gully can be a place then so is Ironbark,” said Mr McKay.

But where Sailors Gully has its own postcode, “Ironbark” does not.

“We have our own culture, not like those Long Gully people, we’re different,” said Mr McKay.

Sure, in Ironbark they used to have the fancy Goldmines pub with its la di da beers and stand-up comedy and music, you know, culture, but all that is gone folks.

“We have our own language. Over there they say “Get ya farking hands off mi ya kunt” and words of that nature, which we would not say in Ironbark,” said Mr McKay.

Seems a bit harsh.

“We also have a coat of arms,” said Mr McKay.

Prove it, said the Bendigo Standard.

“See,” said Mr McKay and held up his coat, at which point it became obvious that the tassels were little fingers and the sheep skin pattern had more of a Silence of the Lambs feel to it.

Gross.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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