Alien Space Monkey Pirates Attack Bendigo

“Bleeding heck!” said Unknown Local, 33, of Ironbark – if that is a place.

Explosions in the sky mean they are coming.

“I thought it was a bit of B-S,” said Local.

A horde of space monkey pirates from outer-space are beginning their invasion of Earth.

“I’ve still got time for a couple of stubbies first yeah?” said Local.

Bendigo police have been pleading with locals to get to escape shuttles at Sacred Heart Cathedral, but apparently much of this important public message has been missed behind a paywall.

“Who the frig goes to Sacred Heart?” said Local.

As End of Days begin it is expected the space monkey’s will eat the brains of the living… well, they won’t be living for long, maybe a while, I mean you can live without a brain, you just need the cerebellum for basic human function, for example Donald Trump… ha ha ha… classic.

“What do they want?” asked Local.

It doesn’t matter. Everyone knows you can’t reason with pirates. Have you seen Tom Hanks in the movie Captain Phillips? He was very good, but if Tom Hanks can’t reason with pirates what chance does the average person have? None. We’re doomed.

“Oh, fair suck of the slips cordon, I’ll offer them a frothy and we’ll chin wag out this little issue. They probably just need a cuddle,” said Local.

Good luck Bendigo.

Good luck World.

Related articles