Dan Andrews Announces Single Loser Friend Can Visit Too

Lockdown restrictions are easing as the Victorian Premier, Dan Andrews, announces that up to five people can visit a house.

“So that’s Bec and Steve, and Gill and Tom, and…. and…. who else?” questioned Bendigo social butterfly Rosa Perks, 32, of Quarry Hill.

Rubbing their hands together everywhere are dorky, loser, single people who are otherwise only invited to gatherings via mistaken tags in group chats or by seeing posters to things that charge tickets.

“I guess we could ask Adam and Sue, and Sue could stand outside,” said Mrs Perks.

Single folk, so often the spare wheel at a party, used to distract couples from their own problems or assigned the task of minding bags at a nightclub, now see their future brightening for the coming month.

“No we couldn’t leave Sue outside. I don’t want to shout at her the whole night. But who else? I certainly don’t want to invite any of the children,” said Mrs Parks.

Single folk, the type of person who hasn’t watched Tiger King because they simply have no-one to tell they have watched Tiger King too and therefore haven’t seen the point of watching it.

“Why not six, Dan? Why five? Is that how many Thundercats you could think of?” said Mrs Perks.

Of course, single folk are used to their social dreams being unrealised.

“I supposed we could have just the four, which would be more wine for all,” said Mrs Perks.

Which is the true solution to this dinner party problem the Andrews Government has created, and for the single folk means they get to keep the whole bottle to themselves.

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