Outrage as Santa Demands Milk Alternatives for Lactose Intolerant Elves

In a shocking turn of events at the North Pole, Santa Claus declared a state of emergency, demanding milk alternatives for his lactose-intolerant elves. Outraged by the dairy industry’s blatant disregard for the dietary needs of his workforce, Santa called a press conference, stating, “It’s 2023, and we can travel around the world in one night, but we can’t find a decent lactose-free milk for my elves? Unbelievable.”

Elves, known for their jolly demeanour, were reportedly “miffed” by Santa’s sudden concern for their gastrointestinal well-being. One disgruntled elf commented, “I’ve been asking for gluten-free cookies for years, but sure, let’s focus on the lactose thing.”

Critics argue that Santa’s lactose-free stance is just another example of North Pole political correctness gone mad. Rumours suggest that the reindeer are considering a strike, demanding gluten-free oats for their pre-flight snacks.

As the North Pole navigates this dairy dilemma, we can’t help but wonder if Santa’s next move will involve a full-scale investigation into the environmental impact of reindeer emissions. Stay tuned for more North Pole shenanigans.

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