Bendigo Discovers Cocaine Was Just on Their Door Step

By on September 7, 2018

Cocaine, coke, blow, snow, white, rails, bumps, powder, or breakfast as Londoners call it, is the fancy version of Ice, or smack, or crack.

“It’s not just meth heads who want a fix,” said a business man who didn’t want to be named but who is called Steve Rodgers, he’s 27 and lives in Strathdale.

Anyway, the point is, Bendigo had cocaine.

“That’s like saying we had craft beer, and not just that muck they pour out of oil drums,” said a guy we’ll call Bruce Wayne, because he was wearing a suit and was fancy and that.

Cocaine is often thought of as the rich man’s drug.

Which is different to the thinking man’s drug.

That’s the dictionary.

Sad isn’t it.

Anyway.

“Ok I can’t really tell you the place in the CBD that closed down for selling drugs… no it’s not the shoe shop. No it’s not that jewellery store. No not that Toy World building. No, not the video store, or the place that had those notepads… look, okay there’s a lot of places closed because they couldn’t make ends meet, but yeah, so, this place started to sell cocaine and frankly I’m pretty annoyed they didn’t advertised better, because, man, I would have listened to the music if I could get some of that stuff, and not have to truck it up from Melbourne via an uber,” said a guy who didn’t want his face shown but his name was Stephen Strange, and he’s a doctor, and he lives in Ironbark, and seems not to understand blurring your face doesn’t matter in print.

Anyway, drugs in Bendigo aren’t just Ice.

Ok.

We have a diverse culture.

Ok?

Sure, no Mosque, but you have to start with Sodom and Gomorrah before you get religion.

Yeah?

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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