“It’s a great way to get to Ballarat, if you ever want to go to Ballarat, which you wouldn’t, so that says something about Castlemaine,” said Tim Harris, 52, of Kangaroo Flat.

Amid social restrictions the night-life in Castlemaine has remained steady, with their late night grim music clubs, 2am Turkish kebabs shops, and 24/7 cigarette based servo’s experiencing limited decline in trade.

“From what I’ve seen their McDonald’s and KFC are as busy as ever, which is never, because they don’t have them, ha, Kangaroo Flat has both of those stores, and a Pre-Mix King,” said Mr Harris.

Castlemaine locals are not particularly jealous of any of that.

“In K-Flat we even have a VHS store if you know the right people, and a shop to buy the latest vinyl records and cassette tapes, well not the latest, like op-shop level stuff, but they think those are quite hip down there in Cattlemaine, ha, Cattlemaine, I just thought of that, ha, put that down, cattle, and maine, ha,” said Mr Harris.

The people of Castlemaine are not really concerned.

“Say Cattlemaine, ha! Oh, have you noticed that big sign about the Art of Conversation Card Game? It’s basically closed but I know the guy who has that. Do you want a deck? He has the VHS store too, but you didn’t hear that from me, hush, hush, we don’t want everyone getting our VHS’s,” said Mr Harris.

The end.