Centrelink Hold Music Crushes Caller’s Spirit

California Gully resident Sharon Thompson has admitted defeat after a gruelling 60-minute standoff with Centrelink’s notorious hold music. Mrs Thompson, who began the call to sort out their benefits claim, is the latest casualty among many victims who have succumbed to the endless loop of that bloody annoying song.

Centrelink has become infamous for its hold times and weaponized hold music, which, according to experts, has the unique ability to slowly crush the human spirit.

“The music is a carefully crafted psychological tool,” explained a researcher at the Institute for Terrible Hold Music. “It’s designed to break you down like a twisted game of musical water torture.”

In a bizarre twist, Centrelink responded to Mrs Thompson’s plight with an official statement: “We would like to express our deepest sympathies for the distress experienced by Mrs Thompson. We recognize that being on hold can be frustrating, but rest assured, our customers’ time is of the utmost importance to us. As a token of our appreciation, we will send Mrs Thompson a complimentary Centrelink-branded straitjacket, perfect for any future hold-time battles.”

With Centrelink’s authoritarian stranglehold on the nation’s phone lines showing no signs of letting up, Mrs Thompson’s tale of defeat serves as a cautionary tale to us all: even the most stubborn among us may be defeated by the relentless power of Centrelink’s hold music and its diabolical ability to transform sane adults into whimpering puddles of despair.

Centrelink’s Hold Music: The Great Destroyer of Hope.

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