Milk Prices Set to Soar: Industry Insider Says

By on June 3, 2016
Down this graffiti lined alley Bendigoeans hook up milk buys

Milk availability has been questioned in recent weeks.

However the Bendigo Standard has come across a supplier who says that availability is not an issue.

“Milk? I can get you milk -sniff-. What kind of milk do you want man? -sniff- What kind do you want?” said Mr. Hey-You-Can’t-Print-My-Name-Dude.

“I got Full Cream, Half Cream, Light, Skim, Low Fat, a2, all permeate free man, none cut with that permeate stuff. None -sniff-. I sell good stuff man.”

And that is not all he can access.

“Hey, you want unpasteurised? Pretty heavy stuff man. Think you can handle it?”

The Bendigo Standard asked for a price on a litre of regular full cream.

“$2.20 a litre man, $2.20 a litre. It’s good stuff. I aren’t jerking you around man. In fact, in fact, I like your face. $2.1o for you. Nobody else. I wouldn’t do that price for anybody else. $2.10.”

The Bendigo Standard enquired if this lowering is the direction milk prices are headed, as stock returns and vendors attempt to undercut each other for sales.

Mr. Hey-You-Can’t-Print-My-Name-Dude replied, “What? -sniff- I don’t know man. Look. It’s going to go up man. Okay? Take it or leave it -sniff- I aren’t got all day see. We got a deal?”

The Bendigo Standard bought the milk and is having cereal for breakfast.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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