The Commonwealth Games Federation (CGF) announced Eaglehawk Reeboks as the official footwear of the 2026 Commonwealth Games. The decision has sparked widespread excitement as well as mid-panic among athletes who now scramble to find matching tracksuits.
Officials cited the need for “a cozy, laid-back vibe” in a statement yesterday. The decision was met with surprise, especially considering Eaglehawk Reebok’s complete lack of athletic support.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” exclaimed world champion sprinter Usain Bolt. “I’m confident I can still win, but, you know, with a slower, more casual stride.”
Basketball players are particularly puzzled, as they wonder how they will perform slam dunks in footwear usually reserved for lazy Sundays and popping into Eaglehawk IGA 2 minutes before it closes. On the other hand, volleyball teams seem to be embracing the decision, as their Eaglehawk Reeboks add a “soft touch” to their spikes.
HawkSport is delighted by choice. “Our sales have exploded,” said CEO Bob Crank, “We’re just thrilled that the world’s best athletes will finally experience maximum comfort during competition.”
The CGF has also recommended that athletes wear matching pyjamas during the games, ensuring a relaxed atmosphere. Critics argue that the decision undermines the competitive spirit of the games, but officials stand firm.
“We believe this will lead to a new era in sports,” said a CGF spokesperson. “Who needs world records when you can have the world’s most chill athletes?”
As Bendigo prepares to host some of the 2026 Commonwealth Games, the world watches with bated breath to see how the iconic Eaglehawk Reeboks will fare on the track, the field, and the pool deck. One thing is for sure; the Games will never be so comfortable – or so Australian.