Groovin the Moo: Pill Tester Has Big Day On The Job

“Does anyone else worry about the person testing all those pills?” asked Susan Citizen via Facebook. “I mean, I know they’re only taking a little sample but after a full day that’s got to take its toll.”

The Bendigo Standard listened to Susan and tracked down smack daddy Pill Tester Steven Stevenson for an interview.

“It’s not a bad job,” said Mr Steveson. “It’s mostly weekend work and you get to travel. Plus there’s some good gear out there.”

The role of Pill Tester is now hotly contest, but when Mr Steveson started it wasn’t hard to apply.

“I was at Centrelink and filled out the application just to put it in the Job Search Diary as a bluff but then I got it,” said Mr Steveson. “Biggest shock to the system since that pikachu tagged pill I had in Malmsbury last winter.”

However, like every job, there are highs and lows.

“I mean obviously the lows are the next two days after a festival when the serotonin has been burnt out of the system and needs to rebuild, but some of the highs have been, well this one time I was asked to work at an adult night in Frankston and I tested so many blue pills my dick was hard for three days,” said Mr Steveson.

Unfortunately this weekend in Bendigo the role of Pill Tester has not been grated official permission.

“Which means I’ll be running freelance out of toilet cubical five from the main stage, just to stop those kiddies from munching and crunching hard,” said Mr Steveson.

It might sound dodgy to operate a medical advice service less than a metre from septic waste, but as Mr Stevenson says, “Since these children don’t know what they’re doing I might as well step in and help, try before they die, sort of giving the kids some safety pads and helmet before someone crashes in secret.”

Heros don’t always wear capes.

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