Golden Square Man Looks For Positives in Girlfriend Moving In With Him

By on June 6, 2016
Drinking away the "moving in together" blues.

“There’ll be sex on tap I suppose,” reasoned Mr Kydin Yeast, 27, Golden Square, as his girlfriend, Ms Aimlee Williams, 26, plans to move in with him. “She could also help with washing the dishes and doing some cooking.”

“I aren’t cooking for him,” stated Ms Williams when contacted for comment, “or cleaning. What the hell does he think I am?”

“I said help,” stated Mr Yeast once informed of Ms Williams’ response. “I said she could help with that stuff!”

“I’m not the Help,” insisted Ms Williams in a follow up interview. “I’m not doing his laundry or making the bed for him!”

“What are you doing?” said Mr Yeast. His voice was tight. Perhaps his lungs were squeezed by him being on his knees. “I could be getting sex on tap! Sex on tap!”

The Bendigo Standard contacted Ms Williams again.

“Does he think I’m going to be some live-in prostitute? Is that what he thinks? To hell with that. I make more money than him. Tell him it’s over.”

At this point the Bendigo Standard declined to contact Mr Yeast for further comment.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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