In an unprecedented move, Groovin The Moo music festival organizers have announced that their “Leave No Trace” policy will now include emotional baggage, requiring attendees to abandon all relationship drama, existential crises, and childhood traumas at the gates.
Festival spokesperson, Vyolette Green, announced, “We’re setting a new standard for the festival culture. Our goal is to ensure a pristine environment, both physically and emotionally.”
The innovative policy requires attendees to attend a mandatory “pre-festival baggage check” before entering the grounds. This involves a quick, non-invasive emotional baggage scan that certified emotional baggage handlers perform. Any unresolved issues are swiftly addressed in a complementary therapy session.
Groovin The Moo has assured that their emotional baggage recycling program will address any lingering emotional debris.
First-time festival-goer, Aliviyah, commented, “I don’t expect to face my daddy issues at the festival; it’s liberating!”
“The festival has become a safe space for personal growth,” said Vyolette. “We’re proud to lead the way in emotional sustainability.”
While some festival-goers have praised the move, others claim it infringes their right to be sad or moody in public. “I don’t want anyone digging around in my emotional baggage,” said one festival-goer. “I’ll hold onto my childhood resentment like everyone else. Thank you very much.”
Regardless of the controversy, Groovin The Moo officials remain optimistic, believing that this new policy will transform the festival into an emotional paradise, free from the weight of the world’s problems.
