Bendigo Decides God is Vengeful

By on October 1, 2018

In a lackluster vote, that didn’t meet the heights of past question – How Do You Eat A Head Of Lettuce, Bendigo has deemed god (or “God” depending on how you see things – or if you see things. I mean if you see visions of angels you probably deeply believe in God, but that could also mean you’re taking too much peyote, so, hard to say if god is real) is vengeful.

“I just want milk that tastes like real milk,” said one voter.

“The Old Testament says blah, blah, blah, blah, vengeful,” said another.

“What does benevolent mean?” said a third.

If you don’t know what benevolent means, you could be in trouble should the higher power put it on a quiz to enter heaven.

Imagine that.

God with a turn-back-the-boats type of citizenship quiz before passing the pearly gates.

Question 1: Who killed my son?

Answer: Everyone.

Question 2: Am I Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu?

Answer: Everyone.

Question 3: What is my favourite colour?

Answer: Everyone. (He made them all. PS: God spells words like “colour” with a “u” because He’s real traditional.)

It’s really good to know these things.

Tell you children.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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