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    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

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    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

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    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

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    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

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    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

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    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

The Bendigo Standard
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Carpet Bizarre Store still going out of Business Baffles Scientists

Guest Writer by Guest Writer
October 31, 2018
in Bendigo News

“It’s like living in limbo,” said Mark Trompson, owner and salesmen at the Carpet Bizarre, “I have so much stock still sitting out the back for what feels like decades.” Mr. Trompson stated while putting up yet another Going Out Of Business sale sign.

A team of anomaly sciences experts have stated that this could be the only real world example of compound existence. One expert was quoted as saying, “This could be revolutionary in the scientific world. An unsuccessful business that is still going out of business!”

The Carpet Bizarre opened in 2005 to the regular fanfare any carpet store receives. Which is none. As with any carpet store opened for longer than one year it immediately started going out of business. Yet even after thirteen years of going out of business Carpet Bizarre is still operating. Constant attendance by Mr. Trompson has resulted in a cycle of just enough to not go under but not enough to stay open. “It’s hell,” says Mr Trompson, “I can’t believe how long I have been open yet still be about to close up shop.”

Many residents of Bendigo have noted that neither themselves nor anyone they know have ever purchased a carpet from Carpet Bizarre.

“I have hardwood floors,” said Dave, 56 from Long Gully. “I have no need for carpet, and I know no one else who does yet that carpet store has been going out of business for over a decade”. Scientists believe this could be the result of either some form of temporal loop where in the same carpet has been sold thousands of time over or some form of scam to rip off the supplier of Carpet Bizarre.

Still, the sale continues with its 14th anniversary quickly approaching. With no end to the Going Out Of Business sale anytime soon Mark Trompson says he will, “Never get the chance to go on holiday.”

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