Bendigo Council to dig up mall again for no good reason

By on September 10, 2018
Not this again

In accordance with long-standing tradition, Bendigo Council announced plans yesterday to dig up the mall again.

“We think it’s due for its decennial digging down, in accordance with the ancient traditions of our people” said Bendigo Council spokesbot Brent Spork. “Studies have shown that people get really upset when the mall gets left alone for too long, so we think it’s time to bring in the backhoes and perform the structural equivalent of the I’m Feeling Lucky button.”

When pressed for details of what the mall would look like once the works were completed, Spork was non-committal. “Look, you never really know what it’ll be until the noise stops. We could have cars back, it could be a green space again, heck, we might even go really old-school and chuck some horse feeders in for old times sake.”

Not everyone was as happy with Council decisions as Council itself was. “Not this shit again” said Ashley Turlot, one of the four remaining traders in the mall. “What do they think’s under there, pirate treasure?”

About Grant Lockwood

Grant Lockwood is the Bendigo Standard's newest contributor. His interest in writing for the Standard was piqued when he thought he overheard the editors looking for a "pub reporter", which sadly turned out to be misheard. Grant still harbours dreams of becoming Bendigo's first pub reporter, mostly so he can claim his bar tab at the Cambrian as a tax deduction.

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