Bendigo Churches Insist They Are Nothing Like Hillsong

Bendigo Churches have boldly proclaimed that they have absolutely nothing in common with the global phenomenon of Hillsong. Despite overwhelming evidence, pastors remain steadfast in their denial of any resemblance.

When questioned about the church’s rock-band-inspired worship sessions, complete with fog machines and mood lighting, Pastor Kieren from Connect Church hastily responded, “What? No! That’s just our way of keeping the kids interested. I promise you; we’re nothing like Hillsong.”

“Sure, we sing their songs and also sound like Coldplay and U2, but we’re nothing like them,” he claimed, as he simultaneously adjusted the lighting and sound system for his church’s upcoming rock concert, er, we mean, Sunday service.

Congregants of Victory Church vehemently back their pastors in this assertion. “Our pastor doesn’t wear skinny jeans or sport trendy haircuts,” said one churchgoer, conveniently ignoring Pastor Steve’s impeccably trimmed beard and designer sneakers.

Meanwhile, Assemblies of God, now renamed “Feelsong,” has recently released its first album, eerily reminiscent of Hillsong’s contemporary Christian hits. But any insinuations of similarity are met with staunch opposition. “It’s pure coincidence,” said Feelsong’s lead singer, clad in a leather jacket.

As part of their distinctly unique approach, the church has also introduced a state-of-the-art coffee shop in their foyer, serving only the finest brews to their caffeine-craving congregation. “It’s just a small part of our ministry,” explained Pastor Kieren, “nothing like Hillsong’s cafes, which are profit-driven.”

“We’ll do whatever it takes to prove we’re nothing like Hillsong,” claimed Pastor Steve as he adjusted his leather wristband. “Now, excuse me, I have to go practice my guitar solo for Sunday’s service.”

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