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  • News
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    • Politics
    • World News
    These are wheelie bins.

    Eaglehawk Bin Captain Pranks Street By Putting Out Wrong Bins

    Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Busker Ready To Revive Coles Busking Scene For The Third Time

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    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

  • Bendi-Life
    • All
    • Fashion
    • Health
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    • Humans of Bendigo
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    • What's On

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

  • Entertainment
    • All
    • Movies
    • Music
    • TV

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

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    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

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    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

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    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

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    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

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    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

The Bendigo Standard
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Person Asking “Can I Help?” Secretly Doesn’t Want To Help At All

Luke Morris by Luke Morris
December 25, 2018
in Relationships, World News

A bit like seagulls around a picnic, Christmas day attracts its fair share of hangers-on.

“It’s about this time of year that people who don’t know how to cook, serve drinks or socially interact are forced to do one or all of these things,” said scientist Dr Karen Mainwearing, 33, of Huntly.

Vaguely aware of the requirements of Christmas, thanks to television or past memories, these uncos tend to hover around kitchen areas and ask questions such as ‘What can I do?’ and ‘Do you need a hand?’, all in the hope of being recognised as useful while doing absolutely zilch.

“Guaranteed the answer to ‘Anything I can do?’ is, ‘No’, because, well, there isn’t. I mean, they’d be doing it, and besides you don’t ask an elephant to shell peas do you?” said Dr Mainwearing.

Within this scope of near-helpfulness is the statement ‘Just here if you need’, where the speaker is both highlighting their presence and pointing out that they are taking no action of their own.

“Of course many of these people are men, and they often solve the appearance of uselessness by saying ‘I’ll watch the barbie’ and then they go stand watching meat burn until someone in the kitchen asks if it’s ready,” said Dr Mainwearing.

The other alternative for the uncoordinated to do something is to write for the Bendigo Standard.

Merry Christmas.

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This Just In

  • Eaglehawk Bin Captain Pranks Street By Putting Out Wrong Bins
  • Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form
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