Castlemaine to Host World’s Most Boring Film Festival

Castlemaine is set to roll out the beige carpet and host the inaugural World’s Most Boring Film Festival (WMBFF) later this year. The festival’s organisers promise a mind-numbingly dull lineup to make the Cannes look like a wild rollercoaster ride.

Bendigo Standard’s arts and culture correspondent, Barry Smoot, was invited to a sneak preview of the festival’s lineup, which includes such instant snooze classics as “The History of Lawn Bowls,” “Wallpaper: A Visual Journey,” and “Lint: The Untold Story.” Barry’s review read: “I’ve never been so grateful for a nap in my life.”

Organisers have spared no expense in ensuring the festival’s ambience matches the tedious nature of its films. All screens will be dimmed to the lowest possible brightness, and the sound systems will emit a constant, barely audible hum, making you think you have tinnitus.

“Where other film festivals focus on excitement and stimulation, we’re committed to the art of monotony,” said festival director Norma Foam. “We’re excited to make Castlemaine the world capital of boredom for a week!”

Festival-goers can expect a range of side events, including a five-hour workshop on watching grass grow and a paint-drying marathon. The WMBFF will conclude with a prestigious awards ceremony, where the “Golden Yawn” will be presented to the most mundane masterpiece.

“We’re excited to have the festival here in Castlemaine,” said local cafe owner Sally Funk. “We’re hoping attendees will stop by for coffee and maybe even stay awake long enough to try one of our delicious Mars Bar muffins.”

Tickets are already on sale and selling like barely warm Maccas hotcakes, with many patrons snapping them up as a surefire way to cure their insomnia. Castlemaine is gearing up for an influx of visitors, who are guaranteed to leave underwhelmed and well-rested.

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