Falcon Monaro | Editor-in-chief - Page 12

Editor-in-chief of The Bendigo Standard and an excellent parallel parker. "In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories." *Dun Dun*
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Bendigo’s Oldest Pothole Nominated for State Heritage Listing

Local News 0
Bendigo's oldest and most treacherous pothole has been nominated for state heritage listing. The pothole, estimated to have formed during the last Ice Age, has become...

Locals Resort to Selling Organs As Fuel Prices Soar

Local News 0
In a shocking turn of events, Bendigo locals have discovered a revolutionary solution to the ever-increasing fuel prices: selling their organs on the black market...

AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

Sport 0
The AFL has urged supporters to be vigilant this magpie season. Magpies traditionally become "highly aggressive" during finals season, from late August to late September. The AFL...

Bendigo Community Health Service Provides Free Condoms for Aged Care Homes

Relationships 0
In a move that will make all the grandkids raise their eyebrows, the Bendigo Community Health Service has generously distributed free condoms to local aged...

Bendigo Breaks Silence on Alien Abduction Phenomenon – Turns Out They Just Want Good Coffee

Food & Drink 0
Locals have finally spilled the space beans on the mysterious alien abduction encounters that have perplexed the town for years. As it turns out, the...

Local Conspiracy Theorist Discovers Council’s Sinister Plot: They’re Planting Trees

Local News 0
Self-proclaimed truth-seeker and conspiracy enthusiast Jerry McQuirk has unveiled what he calls a "chilling conspiracy of botanical proportions." According to McQuirk, City of Greater Bendigo...

Study Shows 99% of People Unaware They’re Background Characters in Someone Else’s Life

Lifestyle 0
A recent study by the Institute of Whimsical Observations found that a staggering 99% of individuals are blissfully unaware of their status as background characters...

Local Man Contracts COVID-19 To Avoid His Own Wedding

Relationships 0
In an astonishing display of ingenuity, local man David Thompson has hatched an audacious plan to avoid attending his own wedding by deliberately contracting COVID-19,...

Primary School Wink Murder Game Turns Deadly. Parents Push for “Rock, Paper, Scissors”

Law & Order 0
What was meant to be a harmless game of Wink Murder at a local primary school quickly spiralled out of control, resulting in a tragic...

Marong Plans To Move Entire Town 2 Metres To The Left; Feng Shui Master Consulted

Local News 0
The City of Greater Marong has announced its audacious plan to shift the entire suburb 2 metres to the left. To improve its energy flow...
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