Falcon Monaro | Editor-in-chief - Page 14

Editor-in-chief of The Bendigo Standard and an excellent parallel parker. "In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories." *Dun Dun*
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Nation in Crisis as Taylor Swift Tickets Prove Scarcer Than Unicorn Tears

Music 0
In an unprecedented display of nationwide anguish, Australia collectively gasped as it was revealed that obtaining Taylor Swift concert tickets was more challenging than catching...

Kids Already Bored on First Day of School Holidays: Declare “Nothing to Do, Ever”

Parenting 0
Local children have reportedly plunged into an abyss of utter boredom already on the first day of their school holidays. Despite having meticulously planned activities...

Spider-Man Fan Says He Would Avenge His Uncle’s Death, But Not That Creepy One

Local News 0
28-year-old Tim Spencer revealed that should he find himself with Spider-Man's superpowers he would avenge his uncle's death, but not creepy Uncle Jerry. "I've always admired...

Woman Marries Smartphone, Claims It’s the Only One Who Truly Understands Her

Relationships 0
Eaglehawk Resident Jessica Thompson tied the knot with her phone yesterday, aptly named "Alex". Thompson proudly declared that her electronic soulmate was the only one...

Jenny’s ELC Introduces New Cage Fighting Curriculum

Parenting 0
In a bold move to keep up with the ever-evolving world of early childhood education, Jenny's Early Learning Centre has proudly announced the introduction of...

Local Hipster Claims His Moustache Is a Registered Therapy Animal

Food & Drink 0
Local hipster, Dash Hawthorne, announced yesterday that his moustache, fondly named "Whiskers," is now a registered therapy animal. The 29-year-old coffee enthusiast says he's been...

Flying Foxes Turns Rosalind Park into Unexpected Thrill-Seekers’ Playground

Local News 0
Bendigo's premier park has become ground zero for an unprecedented flying fox invasion. Residents now fear walking through Rosalind Park as they might fall victim...

Bendigo Churches Insist They Are Nothing Like Hillsong

0
Bendigo Churches have boldly proclaimed that they have absolutely nothing in common with the global phenomenon of Hillsong. Despite overwhelming evidence, pastors remain steadfast in...

Man Discovers New Cat Species in Rosalind Park, Turns Out to Be Just a Possum

Science & Technology 0
Local resident Kevin Thompson claimed to have discovered a brand new cat species in Rosalind Park. However, it turns out that Thompson's groundbreaking discovery was...

Bendigo Bank Rolls Out Man Flu Leave

National News 0
Bendigo Bank has announced the introduction of a revolutionary new Man Flu leave policy exclusively designed for male employees. According to the bank's HR department, this...
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